Decisions
by HeathenVampires
Summary: Post-HTTYD2-AU. Sometimes decisions are minor and inconsequential. And other times, decisions are the hardest thing you can ever have to do. Hiccup/Valka (warning for incest) one shot.


**Curse these persistent plot bunnies! Well, its a small but very very persistent plot bunny, cus this is a one shot.**

**And yes, I ****_know _****it's not something I usually write, but it came up in a tumblr ask and I couldn't shake it, so I'm writing this as a one off. Unsuitable for heavy Hiccstrid or Stalka shippers.**

**Post-HTTYD2 AU in which everything is the same except Stoick didn't get killed. (we'll ignore that he couldn't have flown a Scuttleclaw and that his death motivated Hiccup) **

**Warning for incest.**

-HTTYD-

"Again?"

Hiccup stopped halfway through pulling on his bottoms, turned to frown at Astrid.

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing, just... you spend a _lot _of time flying lately."

"I'm avoiding my dad trying to 'chief train' me, and getting to know my mom. I... you can come if you want?"

Astrid shook her head.

"No, it's fine. You're right, I get it. You guys are dragon people, more than the rest of us. I'll see you later."

Finishing getting dressed, Hiccup grabbed his helmet and leant down, kissed Astrid.

"Love you."

"I love you too. Go on, I'm gonna go do some training with Eret. He's getting the hang of dragon riding at last."

Eret had bonded quite well with another Nadder, a female a couple of years younger than Stormfly who loved nothing more than following her around, and so Astrid became saddled with teaching Eret to fly.

"Sounds good."

Hiccup headed out, finding Toothless padding around excitedly, Cloudjumper ruffling his wings and his mother grinning as she waited for him.

"Come on, quickly, your father is on his way back."

He bit back a laugh at her urgent whisper - she was absolutely his biggest ally in dodging Stoick when Hiccup was sick of chief training. Valka understood what it was to not fit in, to need to feel the wind in her hair and see nothing but sky and sea for miles. Being around her made Hiccup feel like he'd been _missing _a vital part of himself all along, and it clicked back in to place when he flew with her.

Hiccup knew he'd have to settle down to the chiefdom eventually - he'd begged his dad to pick somebody else and it had fallen on deaf ears - but since they'd come out the other side of the fight with Drago, Hiccup had _time._ And more importantly, he had his mother back, and so much about himself made sense, and their flights together were amazing.

"Hiccup!"

"Shoot, let's go!"

They took off in seconds, soaring high enough and fast enough that Hiccup almost forgot how to breathe for a beat before his body adjusted to the colder, thinner air. His mother had no such issue, so used to the shifts it was as natural for her as it was for the dragons. Pulling off his helmet when they shifted to gliding, Hiccup breathed in the freedom of the sky, forgetting it was cold as he looked over at Valka.

"So, where to today?"

"Oh, not too far I think. Actually, I'd like to see the old nest you told me about."

"Oh. Yeah, the Red Death. Sure. Uh..." Hiccup glanced around, figuring out his bearings "thatta way."

He gestured to Cloudjumper, since his mom didn't do much of the steering. There was such an instrinsic level of trust, of silent communication between the two that left Hiccup awestruck at times. Dragon Island wasn't too far out, the blown-out volcano still oozing lava sometimes if the cooled rock was any indication but the explosion of the Red Death seemed to have permanently altered the terrain.

Speaking of... there was still a fair bit of skeleton that survived the explosion. Valka slid from Cloudjumper's back, walking under the cavernous skull with a pensive look on her face.

"I didn't wanna do it, but I didn't have a choice. She was... too far gone, I guess."

"I know you wouldn't have done this without good reason. It's still sad to see one so far gone... I wish I could have seen her."

She'd lost the Bewilderbeast who had given her and thousands of dragons sanctuary to one that was 'far gone', so Hiccup could understand the melancholy and immediately tried to cheer her up.

"I'll draw her for you if you want?"

She smiled softly, nodding. Hiccup loved to make her smile.

"I would appreciate that."

Offering her what he hoped was a reassuring smile in return, Hiccup ran his fingers along a massive rib, the skeleton seeming far too big even though he knew realistically that the Red Death had been _massive. _

They clambered all around the inside of the nest, or what was left of it, finding old egg shells from long ago hatchings that Valka took all of four seconds to recognise as Gronckle and Zippleback eggs.

"You're... amazing."

She smiled softly at him.

"Thank you Hiccup. We should think about heading back soon, it's getting late."

The day had sort of gotten away from them and so it was dark by the time they got back to Berk, and Hiccup winced a bit at the mood Astrid was visibly in... he _had _been gone a lot lately. His dad wasn't too thrilled either, grumbling in Valka's direction.

"Oh relax Stoick, he's just got my wandering heart. Come on, let's go for dinner."

She leant over and kissed Hiccup's hair, smiling as she headed off with her husband. Hiccup's heart swelled and he smiled at her retreating form before he turmed back to Astrid, who was waiting quietly.

"What?"

"Nothing. Dinner?"

"Sure... you wanna come in and eat, just us?"

He hadn't meant to be neglecting her, but Astrid clearly felt that way so he thought the offer was a good one. She nodded and followed him to his hut, where Toothless curled up by the fire and Hiccup cooked them dinner.

"So... what did you do with your mom today?"

Astrid asked as she took off her boots, warming her sock-clad feet by the fire.

"Took her to Dragon Island to see where the Red Death went down. Most of the skeleton survived the explosion."

"Really? I'm amazed anything survived that. Including you."

"Well, I had Toothless. Isn't that right buddy?"

Toothless made an agreeing noise, then went back to his nap. Chuckling, Hiccup poked the food that was cooking while Astrid poured them both drinks. She seemed happier after dinner, cuddled into his side quietly by the time his parents came back from dinner in the Hall.

"Ah, look at 'em Val. Sweet, eh?"

"Indeed. I'm just going to go check on Cloudjumper."

She did that a lot, but then it was only recently the two ever spent much time apart, so Hiccup wasn't surprised she felt compelled to ensure he was alright.

"He'll be alright yanno."

"I know, but I feel better when I'm sure."

As the door closed behind her, Hiccup looked up at his dad.

"Lay off her a bit, it's still new for her to be back here. Cloudjumper used to sleep in the same room, and now he doesn't even fit in our hut."

His dad deflated a bit and sighed.

"Aye, you're right I guess."

Astrid shifted, pushing herself into a full seated position.

"I better get home before my dad turns up again."

She put her boots back on and kissed Hiccup goodbye quickly, bidding Stoick a goodnight before she called to Stormfly to follow her home. Which, unfortunately, left him alone with his dad.

"Son-"

Hiccup knew the tone of voice, winced inwardly.

"Not now dad, please?"

As usual, his father completely ignored his protests.

"Now, it's time you got more serious about your responsibilities."

"So you keep saying."

"Well, you don't listen."

He didn't want to be chief, he had _never _wanted to be chief. And, after all the years of being unsure, he'd finally found where he'd gotten that dragons soul from, the one that hungered for adventure, sea and sky and discoveries. Planning and running Berk was not where he was meant to be.

"I've told you before, you can choose somebody else."

"You're my son. It's been our tradition for-"

"Yeah, and it used to be our tradition to murder dragons for sport. Sometimes dad, tradition isn't everything."

Hiccup got up and went to his room while his dad was still mastering his temper - something he'd visibly felt more obligated to do since Valka's return, though Hiccup was still wary of being alone with his dad too long for fear of him getting angry again.

"What did I miss?"

He could hear her voice, soft and gentle as she enquired as to her husbands dour mood. With the layout of the house, he could hear every word as he undid his armour and regretted not getting a drink before he came upstairs. The temptation to climb out of his dragon-hole and take off on Toothless was strong.

"Hiccup dodgin' me on being chief again."

"You can't force him Stoick, you're both too bull headed for that."

"Well, he's gonna have to face it sometime!"

There was silence for a minute or two, and Hiccup could practically picture the thoughtful look on his moms face as she tried to come up with an answer.

"Give him a little time, and let me talk to him."

"You?"

Hiccup frowned at the disbelief in Stoick's voice.

"Yes. I understand his reticence better than you. Think of how he grew up Stoick, he was an outcast. Pressuring him only reminds him of that time."

He sort of expected her to come up, but she didn't. Instead, his parents retired to their bedroom for the night. Hiccup got started on his drawing of the Red Death, then went to bed when his candle had burned too far down and his eyes felt the strain.

"Hiccup?"

Looking up from the breakfast he'd been mostly pushing around the bowl, Hiccup saw Valka looking at him.

"Yeah mom?"

"How do you feel about a trip?"

So she was taking him away from Berk for them to talk?

"Where are we going?"

"I wanted to go check on a few nests I used to keep an eye on. It's a bit of a long ride, we'll be gone a few days."

"Can Toothless be away from the other dragons that long?"

Valka nodded.

"Oh yes, they'll manage just fine."

Relieved, Hiccup eagerly agreed; a few days _all _about dragons, with Valka, and no dodging his dad? She was going to try and talk to him anyway, he might as well enjoy the trip anyway.

"Absolutely. I uh, better talk to Astrid first though."

His future-wife was initially displeased, and Hiccup could hear the _again? _waiting to come out.

"Dad wants her to talk me into taking up the chief thing properly, otherwise I think she'd go alone."

"And you heard 'dragon nest' and would never pass up _that _chance."

She sort of rolled her eyes, as though exasperated by him. Hiccup shrugged.

"I get the feeling I'm gonna be tied down to Berk more whether I want it or not when we get back."

Astrid considered his being asked to step up as chief an honour, and she was supportive when she talked about the future - being with Hiccup had always come with the expectation of being a chiefs wife in the future. Honestly, Hiccup thought Astrid was _far_ better suited for the role of Chieftess than he ever would be for Chief.

At least he wouldn't be alone.

"So... where are your parents now?"

"Uh, dads at a town meeting he tried to drag me to, and mom is in the nursery. Why?"

Astrid cocked her head, offering him a very particular smile.

"Well, I won't be seeing you for a few days."

"O-oh. Uh. Right. I don't know how long we'll be alone though."

"Then why are we still standing here?"

Hiccup let Astrid lead him back to his hut, where they'd flouted the "no sex before marriage" rule more times than he could count by then. It was no long, masterful seduction, Astrid well aware of the constraints on time and noise as they fumbled under the blankets and furs on his bed.

She'd barely got back into her clothes when the door opened downstairs, only a handful of minutes between them finishing and getting caught. Astrid leant over and kissed him, winked and climbed out of the hole in the ceiling, Hiccup watching the end of her braid disappearing just before a voice called up the stairs.

"Hiccup?"

Patting down his hair and checking his clothes were all in order, Hiccup climbed carefully down the stairs - it had been over five years, but he still felt a little precarious going down the steps sometimes.

"Yeah mom?"

She eyed him strangely, and Hiccup was pretty sure she could tell what she'd almost caught him doing...

"Did you talk to Astrid?"

"Yeah, yeah. All good. When are we going?"

* * *

Watching Hiccup chase Toothless, who had stolen his sketchpad because he was bored of Hiccup ignoring his need for head scratches, Valka felt utterly content.

Being back was strange. Lots of things were good, like being back with her family and the fact Berk had embraced dragons, and Drago was gone and they'd all come out the other side of the battle - even most of the dragons, very few actually killed in the ensuing fight other than the old Alpha, though Valka missed the gentle giant very much and wished she'd been able to save him...

But being out in the wilderness with Hiccup was _amazing. _It was realising that little hope she'd had before, when she first asked him to give her a second chance and Hiccup agreed, seeming eager to join her in saving dragons and learning their mysteries.

Before she saw Stoick, and agreed to go 'home'. Truthfully, Berk didn't feel quite like _home._ But it was where Hiccup was, and so that was where Valka would stay.

She hoped they'd have more chances in the future to make little trips like this, where it was just they and their dragons around a fire, stars overhead and nothing to do the next day but keep on flying.

"Gotcha!"

Hiccup held his sketchbook, victorious as Toothless warbled in annoyance.

"Alright, alright, come on and I'll give you some affection. Needy dragon."

Valka's heart warmed watching as Hiccup scratched under his dragons chin, Toothless flopping over with his tongue lolling out as he purred happily. Her sons bright green eyes caught the light as he looked over at her, face reflecting the same joy she felt and Valka felt her breath catch in her chest. He was so beautiful, all grown up with that incredible heart inside him.

"The mighty Alpha, huh?"

"Well, he's always there when you need him. Even the Alpha deserves a break."

Hiccup let out a soft chuckle.

"True."

He shuffled back over to her once Toothless was settled, warm and tactile with an arm around her as he nuzzled her cheek and cuddled her. Dragons responded better to affectionate touch and body language than words, and that had translated over to she and Hiccup too. She carded fingers through his thick hair, Hiccup humming against her neck.

"I know you're meant to be giving me some kind of chief talk, but can it wait until we're closer to leaving? I wanna enjoy this for a bit first."

Valka nodded - he'd clearly overheard her talking to Stoick - and continued stroking his hair.

"Alright."

Hiccup relaxed, staying leant into her side and Valka felt no desire to move him. The fire crackled, Cloudjumper starting to drift off even as he tried to sit up looking important, watching over them.

"I should put our tent up before I'm trying to do it by dying firelight."

He seemed reluctant to move, and Valka was reticent to let him; they had twenty years of hugs to make up for. But he did so eventually, groaning at putting weight on his metal leg again after having rested. Valka would have offered, but she knew he'd only insist he was fine. He got the tent up pretty quickly, dumping their bedrolls underneath the covering ready for when they wanted to go to bed.

"I was gonna suggest a night time flight, but the dragons look ready to sleep so... drink?"

Hiccup had brought the sweet honeyed mead Valka liked, and some dark, fruity wine that he liked to go with their dinner. He'd gotten very into cooking, which Valka assumed was a matter of survival... Stoick was never master of cooking (though he _was_ better than Valka), and they'd both probably have starved to death if not for Gobber.

"You know, _this_ was more what I had in mind when you first said you wanted us to find every species and unlock every dragons secrets. I won't have time for all... this when dad finally ties me down to Berk."

He gestured around them, and Valka nodded.

"I thought the same."

"Then why did you stay?"

Valka frowned at her thoughtful son.

"For you, Hiccup."

He looked over at her, eyes unreadable.

"Just for me? What about dad?"

"Of course, everything else is wonderful. But I lost you once Hiccup, I wasn't going to _choose _to walk out on you."

She had stayed away, but Valka hadn't chosen to _leave_ in the first place. And out of everyone, Hiccup seemed to understand that the most, even though he had the most room to be angry with her for it.

"I'm really glad you stayed."

Valka inclined her head, smiled.

"As am I."

"Really? Don't you wish you were still... what did I call you? Feral vigilante dragon lady?"

His eyes tipped down slightly as he asked, looking unsure of himself. Valka shifted closer, curled her fingers around his and squeezed gently.

"I can still protect dragons _and_ be there for you. Do I miss it? Of course, but I missed _you_ for twenty years. There was never any question I'd stay with you."

Hiccup nodded slowly, squeezing her hand in return.

"Alright. Promise to try and convince dad to let me come with you sometimes?"

She chuckled.

"I promise."

They finished their drinks, seperated to answer natures call before they both pulled off their outer layers and fumbled around in the tent to get under their bedrolls. The fire was all but out, just enough to warm the dragons to sleep and cast a faint glow through the narrow gap at the mouth of their little tent. Valka wriggled, trying to warm the cool material up while Hiccup was removing his prosthetic, wrapping some material around the scarred skin of his shorter leg to stop it getting cold in the night.

"What's wrong? Are you cold?"

"A bit."

"Sorry, I should have packed more layers. C'mere."

Hiccup shifted himself over to her, spooning himself around her back and using both their covers to keep the warmth from escaping.

"Better?"

Valka nodded.

"Mhmm."

With his breath hot against the back of her neck and his arm over her waist, Valka was _very _warm already, faint flush rising to her cheeks as she felt his heat soak through the thinner material of her sleep shift. She could probably be warmer though...

_No, she couldn't think like that._ Valka tamped down on those wayward _thoughts_ she had been intently ignoring since she first recognised Hiccup, and closed her eyes. Sleep. She could do that.

Hiccup had never held her like this before, which was the only thing Valka could think was shaking her conviction to not let her mind wander. Mentally shaking herself, Valka tried to burrow down under the furs more. Hiccup hissed as she moved, hand landing on her hip to hold her still with a near-painful grip.

"Quit squirming."

His voice was low, an almost raspy whisper in the almost-total darkness. His hand hadn't moved from her hip, a space between them allowing a chill to creep back in. Valka pushed back to seek his warmth, and Hiccup hissed again, trying to push her away but she'd _noticed._ The shudder that rippled through her was not an unpleasant one.

Even in the scant light available, Valka could see the intensity of Hiccup's expression when she rolled over to face him. _So close..._

She couldn't have said who moved first, and she didn't care by the time Hiccup's mouth closed over hers again, her fingers finding their way into his hair as his hand curled around her back. The way he kissed her made Valka feel as though some missing part of her finally clicked in to place, body and mind both yearning as one for more with every passing second, his mouth tasting rich and sweet with his earlier wine.

Valka knew he wasn't inexperienced, having heard all those muffled sounds from his room while she laid next to Stoick trying to ignore the gnawing pit in her stomach. Hiccup's hands were slow and sure, moulding themselves to her waist. He drew away from her mouth, giving Valka a clearly questioning look through dark, hungry eyes. She answered silently, using her fingers in his hair to pull him back to her.

They shouldn't... but she didn't care. Hiccup pressed his weight against her more and Valka thrilled in it. Stoick had always been bigger, heavier than her, even twenty years back. Now he was even bigger, and a man of a certain age who couldn't always _perform, _but Hiccup? Hiccup fit against her beautifully, hand sliding down to her thigh and pushing her shift up, settling between her legs. The firm weight of his erection was evident against her belly, made her twitch and dampen with want.

Valka was sure it was sick and depraved to crave her son so, but she'd felt those first sparks the day they'd met and _tried _to fight them. Why should she continue, when he clearly felt the same?

They undressed each other in silence, the firelight gone but a sliver of moonlight had crept through the clouds to show her his grown body, with its freckles and scars and wiry muscles, cock thick and ruddy where it jutted out between his lean hips. Hiccup moved to let the light show her to him in turn, his features shadowed but Valka still trembled under the blatant want in his gaze. Was it a cruel trick of the gods for them to feel that way, or their blessing that the two found each other again?

There was no rush with him, the chilled air raising goosebumps on her naked body but Hiccup seemed intent on making her blood run hotter, fingers sliding down her soft stomach to stroke and press in ways that made her spasm and moan.

"Hiccup..."

He _growled _when she breathed his name like that, mouth a little rougher when he kissed her before Hiccup's lips followed his fingers, peppering kisses down the length of her before he was kissing Valka's body in a way that made her see stars. His tongue slipped out to join his lips in teasing her, hands clamped on her hips to hold Valka down so she couldn't squirm away from the dizzying sensations.

"Quiet down, you'll wake the dragons."

Hiccup hissed, nipping at the soft skin of her inner thigh. Valka reached for him, aching to feel his hot skin against hers. One last long lick had her embarrassingly wet before Hiccup wiped his mouth on his hand and crawled back up, her arousal still sticky on his lips but he didn't seem to mind the way her cheeks burned at the thought. Valka reached between them before she could lose her nerve, grasping his cock and moaning weakly when he gasped against her lips, guiding Hiccup into her until he was panting "_mom" _as their bodies joined.

Gods it felt _right, _no matter how wrong she knew it _should _have felt.

His forehead rested against hers, sharing breath as they adjusted to coming together so intimately. The hand not bracing himself against the floor sought Valka's, lacing their fingers together while her free hand buried itself in his hair again, mouths moving against the others slowly. Then Hiccup moved away enough to free her mouth, so he could hear her breathy sigh in response to his first thrusts.

It was dark, but Valka had no doubts about who it was moving over her, his scent on her every breath, that slender build he'd inherited from her making it easy for Valka to wrap her legs around his hips. He rocked back and forth, almost lazy about it as he learned her responses. Valka wriggled impatiently, wanting _more, _feeling him slip through her wetness with ease. His fingers flexed between hers, surging forward to hit Valka deeper and swallowing the cry she let out in a blistering kiss.

Seeming happy to take that as a signal she could take more, Hiccup began to move quicker, thrust harder. Valka was out of practice, but her body soon fell back on age old instincts and moved with him, hips arcing up to meet his thrusts. Hiccup ducked down, still thrusting as his mouth sealed around her nipple, soft suction and teasing tongue flicking across the swollen bud. He'd nursed at her breast as a tiny babe, but this was _so very different._

Hiccup had a seemingly endless energy, stamina to keep pressing into Valka as she whimpered and bucked, writhing under his mouth until she thought she'd lose her mind, clutching his hand and his hair so tightly it probably hurt him. When Valka couldn't stay quiet any longer, he let go of her hand to cover her mouth, keeping eye contact as she moaned against his palm, pleading for him to slow down, to keep going, to make her come and for it to never end.

But even he had limits, steady pressure driving them both over the edge as he dropped his hand and caught her mouths with his kiss, his own low groans echoing into it until his hips stilled, sticky and sweaty despite the cold night air and dislodged blankets. Hiccup was slow to soften, breath damp against her cheek as he continued to pant, his heart thrumming against her breast as they stayed pressed close together until he winced, moving on to his side.

"What is it?"

"Leg cramp. Happens."

His voice was still a little breathless, but his arms pulled Valka to him, burying his face in her neck as she soothed hands through his sweaty hair and stroked his back to comfort her son.

They probably should have talked about it, but they didn't. Hiccup pulled their covers back over them and they slumbered in each others arms, his sweat dried on her skin when they woke that way and their mingled fluids sticky on her thigh. Hiccup kissed her before they spoke, as though to silence them both from all the questions that lingered, the desperation in his face clearly saying _not now _all over again.

And Valka let him quiet her, felt his arms at her waist as they bathed in the river and washed away the previous night, his tone surprisingly light and playful when he joked that the water was too cold for him to do more than _look_ at her. She heard the questions in Cloudjumper's coos as she stroked his scales while Hiccup packed up their tent, leaving no evidence behind that something unspeakable had happened there.

They made it to the first nest Valka wanted to check on after a couple of hours flying in relative silence, but she felt Hiccup's hand slide over her lower back as he joined her to meet the dragons there - it was a diverse pack, led by an aged Titan Wing Prickleboggle she'd named Spiky, which Hiccup bit back a laugh at in before he managed to bow his head in respect to the leader. Spiky looked to Valka for an explanation.

"He's my son. A friend to dragons too."

The leader watched as Hiccup interacted mindfully with the others there, charming a Snafflefang with no trouble at all and laughing when her hatchlings bumped their heads against his legs, clamouring for attention too. He'd won them over before they ever even had to introduce the fact Hiccup was very close with the Alpha dragon.

_If only all their days could be like this_, she thought to herself, seeing the light in Hiccup's eyes when he looked up at her from his position amongst the juveniles.

"So, everything is alright here?"

"Very much so, and I am very happy to see that." Valka turned to Spiky again, smiling "I don't live in my old nest anymore, but there will be dragons there who know how to find me, should you ever need me."

Hiccup was incredibly tactile and affectionate with her, and Valka soaked up every second of it, giggling when he nuzzled her neck, stubble a little scratchy but he soothed it with gentle kisses. Sometimes he'd look at her, silent and pensive and she knew what he was thinking, but neither voiced it.

They moved on to another island for the evening - there were few places to set up camp where they wouldn't be near a clutch of babies on that island, and Valka got the feeling neither would want to be disturbed that night.

After dinner, they laid out under the night sky together, Hiccup resting his head on her belly as they looked up to the stars. It was much clearer than the night before, and Hiccup's demeanour was sweet and soft, humming as Valka stroked his hair. Toothless and Cloudjumper weren't entirely sure what to make of them, Valka could tell, because they understood both humans were 'mated' to others, and both were species who mated for life. There was also probably some degree of understanding that humans generally didn't take up with their own parent or offspring.

And yet, there they were. Hiccup turned and pulled himself up along her body, thumb stroking her cheek as she oft did to him as he kissed her again. They should _talk, _Valka knew, because there was so much beyond the little bubble of their little trip, but it was impossible to deny her son when he pressed himself against her like _that, _smirking when Valka gasped into his mouth.

Last night had been slow and mindful, venturing into something new and unexplored and as daunting as it was perfect.

Now Hiccup was more sure of himself and of her, and Valka had no desire to hold back from him. He was younger than Stoick had ever been when Valka was with him, and she doubted she could keep up with his endless energy but damned if Hiccup didn't encourage her. He refused to allow her to urge him on that night, taking Valka to pieces over and over with his fingers, his mouth, hungry and eager and chasing away any shyness she could feel for being appraised so closely and intimately. Her body _ached _for every spasm and shudder Hiccup drew from her before he ever took her properly, and that night once was not enough for him.

When Valka was left exhausted, wrung out and tender to the touch, he fetched water and cleaned her before they slumbered tightly embraced again, cooed a soft apology when Valka was still feeling a little sore the next morning.

"Was I too rough?"

"No my love" Valka kissed his hair, his nose, his lips "I'm just not as young as you."

He nodded, fingers running over the silver streaks in her hair with reverence.

"I love you."

It was a whisper, murmured against her cheek when he brushed his lips there but she heard, and she thought perhaps he never meant to say it because Hiccup got up after that, heading out to figure out breakfast while Valka dressed. He smiled up at her from by the fire, gesturing with his head for her to sit next to him and leaning over to kiss her like it was the most natural thing in the world.

By the next day, Valka's euphoria had started to wane. Not because she was unhappy, but because she _was, _the ease and peace and perfection of it all so painfully pure and so very unsustainable. She'd meant to have that conversation with Hiccup about what his father wanted that night, but it was difficult to have _any_ conversation with him in her mouth. It wasn't something she'd ever really liked to do with Stoick; he was too thick for her narrow jaw and had an awful habit of pushing her down when he lost himself in the moment that made her gag uncomfortably.

But Hiccup was _perfect, _cradling her head and twitching beautifully beneath her clumsy ministrations, panting her name and watching her with awestruck eyes, lips parted, cheeks flushed. Absolutely perfect.

He fell asleep behind her like the previous nights, and Valka waited for his breathing to even out before she let the tears fall.

"We don't have to go back."

Hiccup's soft-spoken words conjured so many images, and Valka could see it all so clearly in her mind. Just the two of them and their dragons, nothing weighing them down to any one place and the freedom to explore every nook and cranny of the world for every dragon, fighting for their safety and freedom with her son at her side. Days in the sky and nights in his arms. It would have been _so_ _easy _to agree.

But Valka knew she couldn't. It would have been a selfish choice, one she made because it was what _she _wanted more than anything. Hiccup deserved better than that, and despite everything the last few days, Valka truly believed Hiccup loved Astrid, who had done nothing wrong and did not deserve to have her lover stolen away. And she also knew despite himself, that Hiccup would come to miss his father in time.

And when Valka was taken by the gods when her time was up, Hiccup would be _alone, _and it would have been her fault.

"Yes, we do."

His shock was evident, but Valka could handle that. It was what came after that truly tore at her heart.

The _pain _in his face almost made her backtrack, because she knew he knew what going back meant.

It meant the last few days had never happened.

She expected him to argue, to try and convince her and Valka steeled herself, because she wasn't sure she had the will to resist if he pushed. Instead, he seemed to deflate, saddened. And then all at once, his face hardened and he'd _never _looked so much like his father as he turned away and stood up, calling for his dragon.

"Fine. Toothless!"

Those were the last words he spoke before they got back to Berk. Cloudjumper was fast, but he couldn't keep up with a Night Fury going at full speed, and it was clear to Valka that Hiccup had nothing left to say to her by the way he pushed every last bit of speed out of his dragon.

So Valka hung back, told Cloudjumper to take his time because what were they rushing for, really? For Valka to go back and have to face everyone again, to face her husband with their sons touch feeling as though it were branded under her skin? For the inevitable awkwardness and questions, because she and Hiccup left close and happy and returned... different?

She forced back the tears so they wouldn't freeze on her face, watching the black speck in the distance until it vanished from view.

Berk loomed on the horizon after a time, little blinking firelights the only way to see it against the darkened sky. Valka landed higher up, to give her time to gather herself on the way down to the village. She saw the Night Fury near the Deadly Nadder, saw firelight catch on golden blonde hair before the two disappeared toward the woods, possibly to find that little cove Hiccup and Toothless had first bonded in.

Cloudjumper warbled sadly, sensing her declining mood after the last few days of joy. She petted him reassuringly.

"I know, but there was nothing else to be done."

Hiccup was undoubtedly hurting because of it, but Valka hoped some day he would understand her decision.

* * *

Standing at the cliffs edge, Hiccup felt warm fingers slip through his own, a reassuring weight settling at his side and turned to see her there.

"Hey."

"Hey. What are you doing?"

"Thinking."

Astrid hummed, squeezing his hand. He didn't deserve her and he knew it. All the excuses in the world wouldn't change that he'd betrayed her, cheated on her with his own mother. Astrid didn't know. Well, he'd never told her. Sometimes Hiccup wondered what she thought of those days he refused to speak of.

But then, as far as Valka was concerned, those days _never happened._

The cloak around his shoulders still felt too heavy, made discomfort prickle on the back of his neck.

That conversation about responsibilities had never happened, lost to stolen kisses and forbidden passions. Sometimes he'd catch sight of his mother and remember, just for a second, the way she moved against him, the way her mouth and skin tasted, and his ears would fill with her sweet sounds of ecstacy...

And then Hiccup would see his father put his arm around her, and Hiccup would be yanked back to the harsh reality of his life.

He loved Astrid still, and out of everything, she was probably the only thing _worth _coming back for to his mind. But every minute Hiccup had forced himself in to his fathers lessons, learning and following to teach and lead... he hated, heart miles away in the wind and sea and sky, the weights holding him to Berk invisible and agonising and unwanted.

"Is it time?"

"Yeah."

Astrid knew he hated it, and she tried so hard to be supportive of him, even when his mood soured for unexplained reasons or when he was snappy and tired and irritable. Patiently waited for it to be the right time for them to get around to marrying.

Things were both easier and more difficult now - Stoick and Valka had moved out of the Chiefs hut, which meant Hiccup saw less of his mother and there were less awkward moments where the two avoided each others eye and silence hung thick in the air. But there were other reasons than his fathers impending retirement, and that was what curled around his stomach and filled him with nausea.

It was his first 'act' as true chief, not acting chief. Welcoming the newest member of the Hooligan tribe, and the newest member of the Haddock family. It was a surprise to everyone, because at her age bearing a child was uncommon.

Hiccup wondered what his mother had told his father about those days. Because it certainly couldn't have been the truth. After all, he'd wondered daily himself ever since the announcement; was the child his mothers belly swelled with his brother, or his son?

Astrid squeezed his hand again, deciding for him that he couldn't just dwell up there. People were always deciding _for_ him, he noted bitterly. His father deciding Hiccup would be chief, whether he liked it or not. And his mother... Hiccup pushed thoughts of that away.

Dwelling would do him no good, _he_ decided.

-HTTYD-

**This was not meant to grow so big or so very very angsty, but here we are. I still don't like cheating fics, but angsty lil plot bunny would not die. So here we are. **


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